So I woke up this morning,
and the first thing that came to my mind was:
"I just got a little bit of money, I should buy $20 worth of cocaine. Sounds like a good idea, I really want some right now... and for tomorrow before class so that I can focus. Yeah, good idea."
That should not be the first thing I think when I wake up in the morning.
I feel like,
its okay to do drugs if you're with friends and partying and what not,
but I was by myself,
I wanted to do it by myself,
and I wasn't going to tell anyone because I didn't want anyone to know.
It was going to be my secret.
A secret drug habbit.
And the only time people would know about me doing drugs is when me and my friends are partying and we are all doing drugs together.
I know that its not okay.
I don't know what it was that made me think that this morning.
But I though it, and I did it.
I guess, maybe I'm so stressed out that I just need to do this to vent..
but this isn't the way to vent.
But it is my easiest option,
the quick solution to my problems.
I don't know what is going on lately.
I've been having a rough time and you can tell by the way that I'm starting to look.
I am just always tired, no matter hoe much I sleep... I am still exauhsted.
College is just so unbeliveable stressful,
and on top of it,
I have so much family drama going on back home.
I honestly don't know how to handle it anymore.
Somebody save me.
Jodi, I wish that I'm there with you.
ReplyDeleteI can't save you but I'm always going to be supporting you behind this computer screen. College will be stressful at first, but you'll get used to it soon.
Easiest way out is not always the best. You'll find out later that there will be a price to pay. And I sincerely hope that you won't have to. Ever.
Please hold on. But remember, you yourself are your own hero. If you allow it.