formspring.me

Ask and I will tell. http://formspring.me/JOEESCHMOE

i held your hand and we walked around the town. the crowds turned just to watch us together, to see how we interact. the perfect couple, they say. we're different, but we just fit. they gossip as they watch us walk and laugh, hand in hand. occasionally the curious bystander will ask how long we've been together. i immediately say "no. we aren't together." and i see the look on your face. disappointment. we get away from the crowd to just sit, to just talk. you say that we know each other better than anyone else, but yet you still bring up the same conversation every time. how many times do i need to tell you that i don't love you. how many times does it take to finally sink into your skull. if you knew me so well, you wouldn't have to ask. you're still around, and that's great. but every time we have that conversation, i inch further and further away from you. if you knew me so well, you wouldn't try and force me into doing things that you know i can't do. i'm glad you're around, but i can't be who you want me to be. i would rather have you leave and hate me then spend all of your spare time trying to convince me to love you. it doesn't work like that. i don't love, and i probably never will.

formspring.me

Ask and I will tell. http://formspring.me/JOEESCHMOE

i just want to feel something

every day i try so hard to feel.
i spend hours and hours every day trying to convince myself that i really love my friends and my family. but its a lie. sure, i'm fond of them... its nice having them around, but they are all easily replaceable. the lack of their presence doesn't effect me, and i know thats wrong. so i try as hard as i can to pretend that i feel something for them. that i care whats going on. but i don't.
no matter how hard i try, i can't feel a thing.
i want to feel love.
i want to feel hate.
but instead i'm stuck with not feeling anything at all.
i just want to feel.

Stop. Don't talk, don't move, don't try.
Every single move that you make, it makes it harder for me to breathe.
I can feel it in my chest..
and it hurts.

I know that you can't stay,
no matter how much I wish you could.