hey.

F
U
C
K
Y
O
U
.

3 more months. three more months of hell, then done with that shit-hole of a learning facility.

3 more months and I'm done.

self destruct

why do i keep hitting myself with a hammer?

...because it feels so good when i stop.


i'm starting to feel like every mistake that i have made was because i wanted to subconsciously screw myself over... because if nothing is wrong, then i'll just have to feel good. and maybe i'm afraid to just... i dont know, be happy.

wow

i never realized how much i missed you until today, until i got you back into my life for that short 30 minutes.

my best friend. we have been best friends since the 6th grade. i have so many memories with you, memories that i forgot about until today. i had the time of my life talking about the past with you.

i forgot how great we get along, and i forgot that i can tell you anything. i have been through so much with you, so much bad. you were there for me when my mom died, and when my grandma died, and when my family was just shitty. and i was there for you through all of the heartbreaks that you went through, and i had forgotten how fragile your heart was.

so many of my firsts were with you: first drink, first smoke, first shoplifting, first anything illegal; it was all with you. we always had such a good time, even if we were doing nothing. it used to be just you and me, unstoppable.

i don't know what happened to us. we just lost touch. we stopped talking. and i forgot about all of the wonderful and horrible things that made you the best friend that i have ever had.

spending that time with you made me realize how much has changed. i miss when everything was black and white, courtnie and jodi. now its just dull shades of gray. i missed you so much, it hurts to think about it now.

i want us to be those two friends again.
friends forever.

look at the night

the stars. celestial bodies of hot gases that radiate energy. glowing explosions of fire, floating around aimlessly in that never ending darkness. something so small leaves so many in awe.

she wants to be like a star. she wants to radiate an amazing energy that leaves everyone in awe. she wants to glow, to have an illuminating presence, even in the never ending darkness.

so she set herself on fire, only to glow like the stars.