i can't give you anymore of myself.
i have nothing left to give.
i don't know what to tell you.
i don't know how to make things better.
you have everything.
open your eyes.

Don't get ahead of yourselves.

As far as I see it, every friend in my life right now is replacable. I'm so ready to detach from all of the people that I have had to put up with for the past 17 years. I'm leaving, I won't keep in touch. You may need me.. but I don't need you. Don't act like you're surprised, you knew this was coming. everything has an end. forever only exists in fairy tales.

I believe that life is like a book, and there are characters in it that are there until the end... but everyone else is just there to make an appearance. You weren't meant to be there in the end... you probably shouldn't have even made it past chapter two.

you're my friend, and i love you.. but things are ever changing and we can't stay like this. it would be easier for you if you just let me go... because no matter what you say or do, i'm leaving anyways.

one month... my life is going to be turned upside down.
one month... everything will be new and frieghtening.
one month... i won't have anyone to be there for me.
one month... i'll be the most scared that i have ever been, ever.
one month... i'm terrified. i'm excited. i'm nervous.
one month... i'm free.

Dear Geoclyn,

Thank you for ruining my senior year. I had made up my mind last summer that I wanted to get through senior year without the memories and the fun times that I would look back on and miss. I didn't want to go out with friends on weekends, I just wanted to focus on school, get into a good college, get scholarships, then get the fuck off of Kodiak Island. That was the plan. But you just had to go and ruin my plan that I thought out so well. I never wanted to be your best friend, Geoclyn. I just wanted to do my own thing... but not being your friend was impossible. It was like, once we started talking.. we just got closer and closer and our friendship grew so fast. As soon as I knew it, I was sharing my whole life with you, my best friend. I always liked the fact we always got each other, that our friendship was effortless. I liked that we could be sitting in your room doing nothing, but still be having the funnest time in the world. You are one of the few people that I just get along with, straight up.. no questions asked. I love all of our random conversations and the fact that it isn't a sleepover unless we have two bags of kettle chips, because one of the flavors tastes better in the morning. I love that you like Dean while I like Sam... we'd never have to fight over our men, except to argue about who is more attractive(sam wins by the way.. tall sexy brunettes, mmm :]. And I love that no matter how much we talk to each other and how much time we spend together, we never run out of things to say.. there is always more to talk about on our late night phone calls. And most of all, I love that no matter how crazy/insane/unlogical I was, you were always there shaking your head at me while listening to the stories. So Geoclyn, thank you for ruining the plans that I had for my senior year. Now i'm going to go off to college all the way across the country and when someone eats kettle chips, I'll think about how that was basically all we ate (and apples&peanutbutter/carmel). I'll hear Taylor Swift, and I'm automatically going to think about Black Friday, singing so loudly with you and Isaac. I'm going to watch the new season of Supernatural, and i'm going to have to call you just so that I can tell you that Sam was way hotter than Dean because Sam cut off his wierd girl bangs. My year didn't go the way that I had wanted thanks to you, and I'm so glad. Looking back at all of these memories makes me smile and laugh and I never want to forget any of the things that we did or said because you are one of my best friends. I hope that we can make even more memories before I have to go, and I hope that you will always remain in my life as one of my best friends. I love you GrandTheftAuto.

-JAG

i want to get out so bad that it hurts.
i can feel it crawling through my fingers,
making its way up my arms,
engulfing my back,
spinning up my spine,
seeping into my brain,
it hurts.


this place is holding me back.
this place doesn't inspire me anymore.
this place has too many memories..
most of them bad.
this place clouds my thoughts.
this place tightens my heart.
this place is my hell on earth.

i'm so close to being out of here and i can feel it in my bones every day.
every day it hurts more and more.
i feel like i'm going to break,
but i can't die here.
i wont.