something is seriously wrong with me.
i keep saying no to myself...
because its the right thing to do,
but everything other than my mind says yes
and my mind just can't win the fight.
i try so hard to stop it all from happening.
i lock myself away,
i make excuses,
i try to convince myself
that its so wrong to do
but it always ends up happening.
inevitable.
unavoidable.
compulsory.
maybe it's fate.
maybe it's supposed to happen like this.
maybe i'll learn something from it.
or maybe i just need better control over my impulses.
more importantly...
i promised her that i wouldn't.
i told her that she could trust me.
i became her friend.
i lied to her face.
i've been sleeping with her boyfriend.
i should feel horrible,
but i just want to do it again.
something is seriously wrong with me.
Hmmmm I don't know what to say to this but I have a question. What goes through your head you do this? What emotions do you feel? Are they merely impulses or are they something like desperation for warmth?
ReplyDeleteoh and this is random but:
You won an award ^^
http://heartbrokenvoices.blogspot.com/2010/03/lovely.html
thank you for the award :]
ReplyDeleteand i don't really know how to answer you're question. i guess that sometimes its because of the rush that you get when you know that you are doing something bad, but you do it anyways. sometimes i think that i do it because i'm lonely and its so wrong, but sometimes i take comfort in the fact that she has to sleep alone at night. i don't know if that makes any sense..
I think it makes sense in a complicated way. Sometimes, we are too lonely and do things in order not to be even if we know its wrong.
ReplyDelete